Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize