i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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