whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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