There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
