Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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