Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
