you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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