sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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