I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
