I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
