He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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