mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
