She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
