just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
