Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
