the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
