I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
