There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
