how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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