Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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