Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
