Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
