Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
