and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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