new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
