I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
