the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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