just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
