the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He shit in the fireplace
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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