Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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