three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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