youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
