So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You're like the curious george of whores
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
