JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
