You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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