Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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