But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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