It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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