I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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