I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
