Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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