I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
