She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
