if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
