taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
