well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
