I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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