i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
