I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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