she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I would ride that face into the sunset
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
