Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
