one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
