I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
