New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
