everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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