She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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