i don't like sucking hair
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
