Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Please don't give away my fajitas
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
