here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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