come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
