a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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