I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
