twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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