I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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