do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
