So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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