Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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