I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
