And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize