TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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