maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
