Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
