He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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