Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
