remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
