So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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